Divorce and child arrangements ('custody')

Do I have to go to court to decide where our children will live after divorce or separation? 

When parents separate there are many ways to resolve matters for their children other than through court proceedings, and indeed these alternatives are usually much better suited to resolving children issues.  Whilst the court does have children's best interests in mind, court proceedings are 'adversarial' and can make parents feel as though they are pitted against each other rather than working together to establish how best to co-parent following separation. The non-court methods are often also quicker, which gives children earlier certainty and stability; and they can also be less expensive.

The non-court methods include:

• Mediation - this is conducted by a professionally-trained mediator (who may or may not also be a lawyer) whose role is to help the parents reach an agreement. A mediator is independent, so will not advise on the law, but each parent can have their own lawyer advising them in the background if they wish. We have a number of experienced mediators in our team: Suzanne Todd, Diana Parker, Claire Blakemore, Adele Pledger, Natalie O'Shea, Jemma Thomas.
• The collaborative process – each parent appoints their own lawyer who is trained in the collaborative process. The parents and their lawyers will then all meet together (or exchange emails with everyone in copy) to reach an agreement. If an agreement cannot be reached, and an application is made to court, then the spouses must find new lawyers to represent them in the court proceedings. In our team, Suzanne Todd, Michael Gouriet, Claire Blakemore and Adele Pledger are all collaboratively trained.
• Uncouple – Uncouple is a service that Withers has designed and offers to its clients to allow separating couples to both appoint Withers together to reach an agreement. The couple will appoint one Withers lawyer (a madiator/facilitator) to guide and direct them through the process and to help them discuss and negotiate. The mediator/facilitator can bring in other (impartial) Withers colleagues at any stage of the process, for example, to give a non-binding indication of potential outcomes, or as an arbitrator (to make a decision which binds them). The couple can decide, in collaboration with their mediator/facilitator, what process to adopt in order to reach a solution. 
• Discussions and negotiations via solicitors – each parent is advised by their own solicitor, and their respective solicitors negotiate and agree arrangements with one another, upon each parent's instructions. Negotiations can take place via correspondence, telephone calls and/or meetings. Alternatively, each parent may receive advice from their lawyer and discuss and agree arrangements directly with one another.
• Arbitration – the parents agree on an arbitrator (who is often a solicitor, barrister or a retired judge) to make a decision after hearing all relevant information from both of them or their lawyers. The decision is binding.
• Early Neutral Evaluation (ENE) - the couple appoint a neutral 'elevator' who considers the couple's positions and the evidence and explains what they think a court would decide based on this information

Some parents want to ask the court to approve a set of arrangements that they have agreed, and to formalise these in a type of court order known as a consent order. Whether this is necessary will depend on the circumstances and the court will only make an order if it thinks it is better for the children for there to be an order rather than no order at all.