What's in a name? Divorce and renaming children

The press interest in Shiloh Jolie's decision to keep her mother's surname but remove her father's is unsurprising. If her parents weren't Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, it wouldn't make the papers, but, regardless of their celebrity status, it's an issue that can divide opinion. 

Names matter – they are part of our identity and our connection to family. On marriage people contemplate their own surnames and on the birth of their children its common to think about family names – finding ways to interweave important family names for the next generation to carry forwards. 

Surnames can be a contentious issue for separating couples at various points: when they split up; when the divorce is finalised; when a parent remarries or has other children; and (as in Shiloh's case) when the children reach majority. Names are emotive and meaningful and it's unsurprising that at these important milestones they can cause significant, sometimes seemingly insurmountable, challenges for separating parents.

As with almost all decisions around children and separated parents, the most straightforward approach is to think of it from the child's perspective. What is in their best interests? 

If a couple can't agree about a child's name, the welfare of the child is the factor a court would consider first and foremost.  Here are some of the questions a court would ask:

• What is the registered surname of the child and the reasons for the registration, for instance recognition of the biological link with a child's parent?
• Have circumstances changed since the decision to register a particular name was made? 
• Is anything likely to change in the future that will impact on whether or not it is the right decision to change their name now? 
• What is the child's relationship to the parent whose name they have now?
• What are the wishes and feelings of the child, assuming they have sufficient maturity?

Parents cannot unilaterally change their child's name (if they are under 16 years old). Without the permission of the other parent, they need the permission of the court. Similarly, they should not simply refer to the child as a new name without the other parent's permission. 

Talking it through with the other parent can be helpful in trying to find a way forward. It may be useful to try to think of it from their perspective in order to try to address any concerns that they may have. 

Unless there are good reasons not to, communicating well with the other parent is one of the most important ways of maintaining an effective co-parenting relationship, which is likely to be more important to the child than the proposed name change. 

Sometimes, as with Shiloh, the request comes from the child. However, unless they are over 16 years old their opinion is not determinative. In any event, where appropriate, it may be useful to talk through with them why they want to make a change and whether there are other ways to resolve any concerns they have. Given the significance of the decision, it's usually helpful to take things slowly and not make any immediate decisions. 

You can find more information about this and many other questions on our FAQ page.