Schools - supporting children through family separation

Schools play a vital role in supporting children whose parents are separating or divorcing. For many such children, school is their constant: it offers routine, friends, predictability and a safe space where they can go to escape the conflict at home.  

School leaders may find a lot of pastoral time is spent supporting children going through family breakdown, and that safeguarding concerns are highly correlated with family disputes.  Divorce is considered to be one of the 'Adverse Childhood Experiences' (ACEs) - yet the very people who usually provide support for the children (their parents) may be struggling and find it hard to retain the emotional capacity required to provide the empathy, affection and reliability their children will need at that time.

As a family lawyer, I encourage my clients to tell the children's schools about their separation as soon as possible. Teachers may be the first ones to notice a change in a pupil's mood, behaviour or performance, and the child's trusted adult at school needs to know in broad terms what is going on for that child to be able to support them in the best way possible.

Caught in the middle

Schools may be the safe space for the child, but their parents can make the school a battle ground by putting teachers in the middle of a spat, asking for information designed to bolster their court case, or both turning up at the end of the school day to insist they should be collecting the children.  All this can put teachers in a difficult position and create a painful and embarrassing situation for their children. 

Communication 

Having a clear policy about how the school will communicate with separated parents is key and the school should set this out, so there is no misunderstanding later on. It can be much easier to refer to an objective policy rather than for parents to feel that decisions are being made more personally. Tensions can inevitably run high at difficult times, and so being able to refer to a document prepared for all parents can help to keep the temperature down.

There may be a difference between general school communication, which both parents are sent, and communication from individual teachers, which the school may not be able to guarantee is always sent to both parents.  Especially at secondary level, it is often not feasible for subject teachers, who may have several classes and dozens of students, to remember to copy every email to both parents.  Instead, parents should be encouraged to agree which emails from the school they will share if the other parent is not included.

What happens if parents can't agree on arrangements? The legal process…

In England, there is a 'no order principle' when it comes to arrangements for children.  In other words, there should be no order about the children unless either the parents cannot reach an agreement themselves and the court determines an outcome, or parents persuade the court to make an order in the terms of their agreement.  

If there is no agreement, parents cannot just rush off to court and make an application.  Almost all separating parents now (as of April 2024) have to engage in what is called 'Non-Court Dispute Resolution' (NCDR) if they want to apply to court.  The main form of NCDR is mediation, although there are others. Courts will expect parents to have meaningfully engaged in NCDR, and some judges are now pausing certain court cases so that parents can try mediation rather than plough on through the court system.

If a dispute about children goes to court and continues beyond the first hearing, then it is likely that a social worker will be appointed to produce a report with recommendations about what should happen.  That professional will either be a court social worker from Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) or an independent social worker approved by the court.  The social worker may ask to speak with the child's schoolteacher or the DSL as part of their research to find out about how the child is at school.  The teacher may be quoted by the social worker in the report (though they won't get to see the report unless the court approves that).

What is confidential?

On the whole, all documents in a private children court case are confidential to the parents, and schools will not be able to see them.  Exceptions to this include:

• certain documents (eg the social worker's report) can where the court approves be sent to a child's therapist or counsellor (but not to other members of the staff).  
• schools may also need to see a copy of a court order (for example if it sets out who is collecting the children, or that one parent is not allowed to collect the children).  Parents should obtain the court's permission to disclose the order to the school.

Parental Responsibility

As school leaders will know, both parents usually have parental responsibility, and separation does not change that. Where parents are unmarried, fathers will only automatically have parental responsibility if they are on the child's birth certificate.  Parental responsibility means they have the right to receive information about their child's education, attend parents' evenings and school events, be consulted on major schooling decisions, access school reports and records and be told about any medical or welfare issues.  Of course, if there is a court order in place which restricts or prevents parents from any of the above, that order will take precedence.

Ways in which schools can help separating families

Schools can, and often do, support children, directly and indirectly, through this difficult time in their lives, for example by: 

• implementing a policy for managing separated family situations;
• delivering staff training about how to deal with sensitive family matters;
• educating children (in an age-appropriate way) about family breakdown and the different types of families;
• appointing a member of staff to coordinate communication with separated families;
• establishing clear protocols for school events and parents' evenings for those parents who cannot attend events together; 
• implementing systems to ensure both parents receive all relevant information at the same time; and
• offering a safe space for children to discuss their feelings, with appropriate pastoral care and counselling support.

Working together

The focus for parents and teachers must be on the child's welfare.  Parents can understandably lose sight of that in the midst of their own trauma, and many want to convince themselves the children are fine.  Regular meetings between school and parents can help them work together to ensure the pupil is supported in the best way possible. Schools can offer stability and routine in an unsettling time for children, while remaining unjudgmental and adaptable to the changing circumstances of the family.

If you would like to discuss any of the topics covered by this article, please contact Jennifer Dickson or your usual Withers contact.